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The Context of Sex Advice

I’m writing this post because I will likely reference it again in posts I write in the future. I’ve decided to stop hiding some of my thoughts that go against the grain. I’m getting uppity in my old age.
So here’s what I have to say: Relationships, sexual expressions, personal ethics, and sexual philosophies are all incredibly individual. Relationship advice that might be spot on for some people could be disastrous for others. Philosophies about sex could be astoundingly empowering and transforming for one person while to another it could be astoundingly harmful.
I saw an argument on social media a while ago that presented the following situation:
One person basically said that having sex with people who you were not attracted to could be a way to grow and learn in your sexual life. Another person said this was harmful because some groups of people were always forced to have sex with people they weren’t attracted to because of power dynamics and that idea was harmful. Arguing ensued.
But …
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Book Review: When Someone You Love is Kinky

A few months ago on my trip to Los Angeles I was finally able to visit The Pleasure Chest, something I have been wanting to do for a long while. And of course while I was there I knew I had to buy a sexuality book to keep me company on the flight home. There were so many amazing books to choose from, but I ended up going with a book that I knew would be a staple for my BDSM library.

When Someone You Love is Kinky by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt was published by Greenery Press in 2000. And though it is not a newly published book, it is a solid and wonderful one to have in my collection as an educator and ambassador for kinky life.

I have read other books by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy (this title was published using Hardy’s pen name) and absolutely loved them. I have reviewed The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book and am looking forward to reading the other books by this duo on my to-be-read shelf.

As the title indicates, this book was written for people who are not ki…

Onward

Happy New Year kinky readers. And welcome back!
2017 was, for most people I know, nothing short of an utterly harrowing year. For myself, this was a year of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.
On the low side was my health. As a disabled person, I have definitely been in more desperate situations and I’m profoundly grateful that that I did not have any surgeries this year. But the pain of the daily grind for me this year was the worst it’s ever been. I battled an infection for most of the year, with rounds and rounds of antibiotics. The fevers and pain seemed insurmountable at times. My mental health was the lowest it has been in years, if not ever. I took a medical leave from my day job which, though I’m tremendously grateful to have had, still took a toll on my life. Many times this year, I felt out of control in my own body.
But the highs—Oh the highs. I made some of the best memories of my life on my trip to Los Angeles when I spoke at a sexuality conference in September. I…

Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3 | Now available in ebook and paperback!

I am so very excited today that Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 3 is now available in both ebook and print!
I am honored to have a story in this collection among many other fantastic authors telling truly daring and seductive tales. My story combines history, magic realism, and a F/F/M pairing. 
I am fascinated by sexual fantasies and the ways we conjure them into existence. I love seeing the endless ways we cut pieces from our real lives, sew them together with extravagant ideas, and mix them with our own unique eroticisms to make our own perfect bedtime stories. This is what my main character does with history in my piece in this collection entitled "A Stolen Story." An Old West murder, a cemetery, and a sexual threesome. In our fantasies, we can have it all!
That tiny taste is all I'm going to reveal. If you can't stand being teased, I hope you'll take a peek for yourself. Add the book on goodreads and find it on Amazon. Let your erotic imagination f…

Writing a Book About Fetish, Sexual Fantasy, and Erotic Media, Illustrated by GIF's

I released my latest non-fiction sexuality book last week. Some have asked me what it's been like writing a book exposing my relationship with sexual fantasy, fetish, and erotic media. Here's an illustrated post of my answer.
* One day I saw one too many “Top Ten Weird Fetish” lists and decided to write my own book.



All right. It was a bit more complicated than that. Basically, in my life, I had read so many great sex books….

…but none I found really delved into the real life issues about living with a fetish or the role sexual fantasies play in our lives.



I decided I was going to have to write the book myself.



I dove right in….



…But then I realized that I would have to reveal my own sexual fantasies and come out about being a fetishist.



I would have to tell my family, friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers what I’m into.



Things like bondage…



And spanking…



And priests…



Oh my!



I’d have to talk about my experiences writing erotica, and watching porn, and things I can’t even find GIF…

Hurt, calling out, and the sex positive world

The news and events surrounding the death of August Ames has been the catalyst for the following post. This is a complicated issue that involves a lot of elements that are not in my forte. Though I have been involved in the sex blogging/education world for several years now, I certainly am not an expert on the adult industry or really even the wider the sexuality community. So what I want to speak of here is removed from the center of this tragedy. What I have to say has been on my mind for some time, and is not just about this recent happening.

Most of the news stories and consternation surrounding the death of August Ames concerns the activity that took place on Twitter. The arguments, discussions, and harassment that unfolded is also in itself complicated and multifaceted, so I am not going to comment in detail about that. I am only going to comment on the splinter of the incident that I witnessed.
Last week, before her death, I saw many of the responses to Ames's original tweet …

Book Release | Thinking Myself Off: Fetish, Fantasy, and My Erotic Imagination

Well. Here it is.
I know. Most book releases open with a much more enthusiastic and enticing line. And, yes, I am extremely proud of this book. This project is something that I have been wanting to put out in the world for a very long time. In many ways I feel that, as a writer, this book will be one of the most important things I’ve done in my life.
Part of me is also completely panicked and scared to release what I have written. 
But that fear is the reason I wrote this book.
This book is about the role the erotic imagination plays in living a fulfilling life. This book is about erotic media and how we can use it better. This book is the handbook for fetishists I always wished I’d had.
In order to write this book, I had to reveal a lot about myself. Of course, I have boundaries. This isn’t an explicit free-for-all. But I did go out on a limb to share things that I’ve needed other people to share with me through my life, but never had the opportunity, or never met anyone else willing to s…