Monday, November 17, 2014
Sharing My Sexual Fantasies
Well, hopefully the title of this post got your attention. Not that I mean for it to be particularly shocking. The reason I am writing this post is to lament that sharing sexual fantasies should be considered taboo. I’m currently reading a psychology book that tackles the topic of sexual fantasy and I was sad to read that a high number of people never share any of their sexual fantasies with anyone, including their sexual partners or people they have been in relationships with for decades.
Not that this is an entirely terrible thing. Some fantasies would certainly lose their luster if we ever brought them out into the light of day. But if people aren’t sharing their fantasies because they are ashamed, scared of judgment, or believe they are alone in the subject of their fantasies, well, that is terrible indeed.
So in an effort to contribute to the emerging dialogue of sexual fantasies, here is a roundup of mine. I will likely write on each fantasy topic in more detail in future posts, but for now, here’s a peek into my naughty confessional brain box.
My earliest fantasies involved being naked in public places, or just being naked around other people in general. I fantasized about Roman baths and exotic tribes who performed important rituals in the nude. I modernized these fantasies by pretending I was being photographed naked or was the model for a sculptor or painter. (Extra secret: posing as a nude model: totally on my bucket list.)
A close second to my earliest fantasies is spanking scenes. Pretty much any scenario you could imagine, if it involved spanking, my mind has conjured it up. This fantasy topic caused me a lot shame. I thought I was the weirdest person in the history of ever for finding such a base, humiliating, and even childish fantasy so incredibly hot. But as an adult I found out I wasn’t alone. Like at all. A lot of people like spanking. And being spanked. And writing about it. At any rate it’s safe to say this fantasy is still alive and well for me, and a couple BDSM play partners are quite grateful. Also, read this book!
3. Man Sex
The first porn I watched and enjoyed was M/M gay porn. The first erotica I read and really enjoyed was M/M fluffy romances. Then came slash fan fiction. During high school and early college this was the central genre of erotica I consumed. Since becoming more active in BDSM I have started reading M/F and F/F pairings (as well as several combinations of poly pairings) in erotica more than M/M pairings (though I have a few M/M books on my wish list). However, when I drum up fantasy storylines in my head, the characters having the central relationships are still M/M. What can I say? I love imagining hot man sex.
4. Male Pregnancy
Yeah, you probably weren’t expecting that (if you were, high five, you’re awesome). I discovered this fantasy when I started reading slash fan fiction and clicked on the magical “mpreg” tag. I could write a whole post about this. (Which I did, click here.) For now we can just say for a myriad of reasons, I rather enjoy reading erotica that centers on men being pregnant, because the story is set in the future or on another planet. Or they’re shape shifters. Or just because. You know. It is a relatively rare genre, but I do have a few fiction/erotica books involving male pregnancy I’m planning to read in the future and review. I am also interested in furthering my research on this topic as well as other fetishes that involve pregnancy.
This probably goes along with the exhibitionism/spanking fantasies, but I do believe I fetishize panties. At least they make an appearance in most of my fantasies. I find erotic stories involving many layers extra enticing. I also enjoy stories of men who have panty fetishes. It is a topic I have delved into in my own erotica writing. (Plus panties are hot. Who, really, doesn’t like panties? Let’s have a panty party. You’re all invited!)
Finally, servitude and, to a certain extent submission. Though I can’t pin point a particular time, there has always been a power dynamic in most of my fantasies where one character takes a servitude or submissive role. I enjoy Hurt/comfort scenarios and have often imagined being on top as much as on the bottom. However, this is the most vague of my fantasies. As I’ve said here on my blog before I am not drawn to BDSM for the Power Exchange and don’t identify as Dom or sub. I prefer using the terms “top” and “bottom” when I do a scene. So perhaps power dynamics are just a given in ANY sexual relationship, and I just have fun playing with it in my head. Like the sprinkles on top of the spanking man sex sundae of panty love.
Well, there you have it, the collage that composes my sexual fantasy canvas. It does feel a bit odd proclaiming these fantasies to the internet. But I don’t believe fantasies are something to be ashamed of. And the truth is, I didn’t really start enjoying my fantasies to the fullest until I was honest about them and confronted them head on. That meant sharing with my husband, reflecting on my own psyche and understanding that, seriously, I am not the only person who has fantasized about any of these things.
So, are any of the above your favorite? Let me know in the comments. ‘Til next time. Don’t quit your daydream ;)