Skip to main content

Ten Ways an Open Relationship Improves My Marriage





I’ve been on a roll with top ten lists lately and as I was thinking about my open relationship I had the idea to write another. A lot of people have asked me how being sexual with people besides my husband could possibly help my marriage. I attest that having an open relationship has done nothing but improve our marriage. Here are ten reasons.

1. I know we want to be together because we love, like, and respect each other, not because we swore an oath of “no matter what” and signed on the dotted line.

2. He respects all women. I know men who are monogamous to their wives but disrespect women all the time, or are not polite to women if they know they will not get any favors from them, including fringe sexual benefits that don’t quite count as “cheating.” I like that I know he will be respectful to those he dates and those he doesn’t.

3. I don’t feel ashamed about aspects of my sexuality that include having crushes on others, writing erotica, or fantasizing because I now know they are normal and unlike the societal stereotype, they do not crumble a relationship from the inside.

4. I deal with jealousy in all aspects of my life. After you’ve dealt with jealously in such an intense form as with your lifemate, the other situations don’t seem as urgent and I can better work through them. That takes a lot of stress off our relationship.

5. He is not mine to share. I am not his to share. I am me and he is he. We have respect for each other’s desires instead of being offended, hurt, or irritated by them.

6. We are constantly growing and being challenged. Sometimes those changes and growth spurts are painful, but the strength we gain is worth it and combats the dangers of becoming bored or complacent with each other.

7. I won’t find a woman’s phone number hidden in his pocket because we put the numbers we get on the refrigerator.

8. I now first see another woman as being a potential friend rather than a potential enemy. When monogamy was our foundation, other women were threatening to me. I didn’t realize how entrenched I was in this competition. It was unhealthy and not very wise.

9. Each time we engage in a new experience, the trust in our relationship builds. That valuable investment makes it even more important that we stay together.

10. When we first started discussing an open relationship I was terrified: of what people would think, of infidelity, of insecurity, and a million other things. But I filled that fear with knowledge and have learned more than I could have ever imagined. I look back on the time when I was transitioning from monogamy to ethical non-monogamy as the most fortifying in my life. By investing in myself I am better able to make better decisions for my marriage and be more understanding and kind toward my husband.


An open relationship is not the only way to attain the things I mention here. But I believe they are all very important to a healthy long term relationship. What do you think? Any items you would like to add?

Comments

  1. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!!!! By the way, speaking of open relationships and better understanding, check out this blog: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/case-studies.html . Whether you agree with everything you find there or not, you're guaranteed to find at least SOME like-minded and like-hearted souls! Best of Good Fortune and Best of Good Hunting for both of you and for everyone you're connected to, both now and later!!!!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Book Review: The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance

I must confess that I become quite melancholy this time of year because I dreadfully miss going "back to school." But this time around, I almost felt like I was back in school because I had this book. Mistress Lorelei Powers has such a wonderfully authoritative and insightful voice with just enough snark, charm, and wit. I truly felt as though I were her pupil completing some very important homework as I studied this text.

Though I am involved in BDSM on some levels my interests rest mostly in fetishes rather than power exchange. So I admit that I consumed this book as a reader just as much as I did a sex blogger. And the experience was delightful.

This book is the perfect length and quite reader friendly. There is a lot of information packed into this manual, but it is enjoyable to peruse a second or third time and great to have as a reference.

The first part of the book addresses many concepts and issues in female dominance. What if you are reluctant to take the dominant…

10 Reasons I Include Porn in My Marriage

Type “porn” and “marriage” in Google and a myriad of articles appear fretting about how porn is utterly ruining marriage. A fairly representative post can be found here. If that one's not scathing enough, read this one.  I personally used to have lots of issues with porn. But now I’m a pro-porn advocate and I believe people can make porn a healthy part of a balanced sexuality and even, yes, marriage. Below are ten reasons I intentionally include porn in mine.
1.Strengthen trust with honesty and shared vulnerability

Because we are open about the role porn (and erotica) plays for us individually and in our marriage, we can tell each other truthfully when something we see turns us on, when we want to try something we’ve seen, when we are in the mood to watch something, or any number of other things. We don’t have to worry about lying or sugar coating the truth about our desires, and that honesty means we trust each other with the information. And the truth is, hearing, “Wow, that woman…

My Thoughts On Adding Kink to the LGBT+ Acronym

I would like to preface the following by saying that this is not an assertive, serious-toned post with a mic-drop at the end. At the end of the day, I’m really not passionate one way or the other on if a ‘K’ is added to the LGBT+ acronym. I’m not even using the full acronym to comment on adding the K on. However, since I wrote a book about being a fetishist, I admit I did have some thoughts when an article on the subject of adding kink into the LGBT+ appeared in my radar.
So, today I’m sharing some of those thoughts. These are only my thoughts. Consider what follows a sort of thinking out loud. I’m sure there are plenty of people more qualified than me who will hash things out. Especially seeing as the comments section on the above article is far longer and complicated than the original article. (Though that, perhaps was the goal.)
At any rate. Some of my thoughts.
First off, I do consider kink to be my sexual orientation. But I completely understand how people won’t accept kink as a se…