Skip to main content

Book Review: Making Peace with Porn by Allison Vivas

This is the best book in the Universe.” Ok. That might be an over exaggeration in the scheme of things. But, I can at least say this is one of the best books on pornography that I have read.


The subititle for this book reads “Adult Entertainment and Your Guy,” so the target audience is clearly straight women who are having issues with their significant others watching porn. I have to admit: I was there. Oh boy, was I there. I was so upset by porn, even nude women in main stream movies sent me off the deep end.

I knew that’s not the person I wanted to be. I didn’t want my emotions controlled by porn and logically I knew our relationship was not threatened by porn. So I searched the internet and the only articles and blog posts I found were completely bipolar. Either,

A) I was a psycho woman and all my emotions were “crazy” and childish

Or

B) Porn is horrible and should be banned and no self-respecting woman would even look at a man who likes to view porn.

Well then.

As things turned out I worked through many things on my own and now I defend porn and view it (the kinds I prefer) just as much, if not more, than my husband. My “making peace with porn” has added a lot to our relationship and has been paramount in how I view myself and my sexuality.

I really wish I had this book at that time in my life. I am so happy to have this as a part of my library to lend to other couples who are in similar situations. I hope women and couples who are struggling over the issue of casual or healthy porn viewing will be able to access this book.

So what, other than the topic that severely needed addressed, makes this book so great? Three things did it for me.

1. Thorough information and topics.

This book is packed! It covers myths of the adult industry, how the brain and body work sexually, statistics, history, and sociology of porn and porn viewing. There are also chapters that talk about self-esteem and finding ways to bridge the gap between men’s and women’s desires. This book doesn’t just hold your hand and say, “It’ll be okay.” It really pulls back the curtain of mystery regarding porn and offers a balanced and very thorough account of what all really goes on with porn, from the set to your bedroom.

2. Fantastic layout.


Kudos to the book designers because the layout of this book is great. It is colorful without being distracting and offers photographs, charts, and shoes. A theme of the book is how porn viewing is a lot like shoe shopping, so the theme is played throughout the book with shoes. It is fantastic. The chapters are broken into sub-sections, to make going back and rereading important points quite easy.

3. Empathy and honesty.

I love the author’s voice throughout the book. She is empathetic – Vivas brings to light many of the emotions and issues I remember having when I was having problems with porn. But she never speaks down to her audience. Her voice is genuine and honest. She holds nothing back and the reader is all the better for it.

In conclusion… this is the best book in the Universe.

I completely recommend this book not only to the target audience, but to anyone who works with couples: counselors, therapists, and other human service providers. I even recommend this to men, if I can be honest! If you are a human, read this book. Now.

Comments

  1. I talk to my friends about this issue all of the time! Men like to look at and watch porn...it's a mystery to us. We can't understand why. It's innocent to them, so we should see it as innocent too. Right? That's what the men say. I'd like to read this book now to get a better insight. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know several people who have been helped by this book. Porn is complicated, and everyone will come to find peace with it in their own way. If you read this book I hope you find the advice useful :)

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Excerpts from "Cast From the Earth" a polyamorous romance

I had so much fun sharing inspiration photos and excerpts from my novel Booked that I wanted to do one for Cast From the Earth, my polyamorous romance with zombies set in the 1890's. This book features a F/F and M/M/F pairing and lots of fighting... for love ;) Check out some snippets below!

*

Dust billowed up as the wagon ambled down a worn dirt road reserved for indigents and invalids. Curled in the back of the wagon clutching her satchel, Cordelia was certain she was neither. She had been offering a perfectly legitimate trade on that street corner back in town. Yet someone still turned her in for begging in public.

Cordelia found herself with no means to pay for a room at the boardinghouse and not a single establishment in White Spring would let her wash dishes or sweep floors for even one day.

Without any further discussion, Cordelia was shoved into the back of a wagon to be hauled off to the Clay County poor farm.

There had been a brief exchange in which the man entrusted with…

Ways Porn Has Helped My Life

Earlier this week @KelseyObsession on Twittier (SexuallyAwkward.com) posted a poll asking if porn has helped people’s lives, hurt people’s lives, or been a neutral force. I answered that porn has helped my life... because it has!
I see the sentence “porn ruined my life” so often but I can honestly say that in many ways porn saved my life. (It’s a bit too click baity even for me to use as a headline, but it doesn’t make it any less true). On top of that, there has been another anti-porn wave on social media lately, so I thought I would go ahead and dedicate a post to the ways porn has helped my life.
First things first. When I write about porn, I usually get a lot of the same questions so I’ll just preface by answering those questions now: 1. No, I don’t work in the adult industry. Aside from one erotica story I wrote being published in an alternative porn magazine and a few erotic photoshoots that have never been published except as cropped header images for my blog posts, I’ve never be…

Book Review: The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance

I must confess that I become quite melancholy this time of year because I dreadfully miss going "back to school." But this time around, I almost felt like I was back in school because I had this book. Mistress Lorelei Powers has such a wonderfully authoritative and insightful voice with just enough snark, charm, and wit. I truly felt as though I were her pupil completing some very important homework as I studied this text.

Though I am involved in BDSM on some levels my interests rest mostly in fetishes rather than power exchange. So I admit that I consumed this book as a reader just as much as I did a sex blogger. And the experience was delightful.

This book is the perfect length and quite reader friendly. There is a lot of information packed into this manual, but it is enjoyable to peruse a second or third time and great to have as a reference.

The first part of the book addresses many concepts and issues in female dominance. What if you are reluctant to take the dominant…