Monday, July 7, 2014

Book Review: Making Peace with Porn by Allison Vivas


I said in my video review of this book (posted below) that this is “the best book in the Universe.” And while that might be an over exaggeration in the scheme of things, I can at least say this is one of the best books on pornography that I have read.


The subititle for this book reads “Adult Entertainment and Your Guy,” so the target audience is clearly straight women who are having issues with their significant others watching porn. I have to admit: I was there. Oh boy, was I there. I was so upset by porn, even nude women in main stream movies sent me off the deep end.

I knew that’s not the person I wanted to be. I didn’t want my emotions controlled by porn and logically I knew our relationship was not threatened by porn. So I searched the internet and the only articles and blog posts I found were completely bipolar. Either,

A) I was a psycho woman and all my emotions were “crazy” and childish

Or

B) Porn is horrible and should be banned and no self-respecting woman would even look at a man who likes to view porn.

Well then.

As things turned out I worked through many things on my own and now I defend porn and view it (the kinds I prefer) just as much, if not more, than my husband. My “making peace with porn” has added a lot to our relationship and has been paramount in how I view myself and my sexuality.

I really wish I had this book at that time in my life. I am so happy to have this as a part of my library to lend to other couples who are in similar situations. I hope women and couples who are struggling over the issue of casual or healthy porn viewing will be able to access this book.

So what, other than the topic that severely needed addressed, makes this book so great? Three things did it for me.

1. Thorough information and topics.

This book is packed! It covers myths of the adult industry, how the brain and body work sexually, statistics, history, and sociology of porn and porn viewing. There are also chapters that talk about self-esteem and finding ways to bridge the gap between men’s and women’s desires. This book doesn’t just hold your hand and say, “It’ll be okay.” It really pulls back the curtain of mystery regarding porn and offers a balanced and very thorough account of what all really goes on with porn, from the set to your bedroom.

2. Fantastic layout.


Kudos to the book designers because the layout of this book is great. It is colorful without being distracting and offers photographs, charts, and shoes. A theme of the book is how porn viewing is a lot like shoe shopping, so the theme is played throughout the book with shoes. It is fantastic. The chapters are broken into sub-sections, to make going back and rereading important points quite easy.

3. Empathy and honesty.

I love the author’s voice throughout the book. She is empathetic – Vivas brings to light many of the emotions and issues I remember having when I was having problems with porn. But she never speaks down to her audience. Her voice is genuine and honest. She holds nothing back and the reader is all the better for it.

In conclusion… this is the best book in the Universe.

As I say in my video below, I completely recommend this book not only to the target audience, but to anyone who works with couples: counselors, therapists, and other human service providers. I even recommend this to men, if I can be honest! If you aren't convinced, you can watch my video review below for more praise of this excellent book:

2 comments:

  1. I talk to my friends about this issue all of the time! Men like to look at and watch porn...it's a mystery to us. We can't understand why. It's innocent to them, so we should see it as innocent too. Right? That's what the men say. I'd like to read this book now to get a better insight. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know several people who have been helped by this book. Porn is complicated, and everyone will come to find peace with it in their own way. If you read this book I hope you find the advice useful :)

      Delete